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Posts tagged: personal

i like staying up late. being awake when everyone is asleep. i don’t have to talk to anyone. or pretend that i’m okay. it feels so nice.

it’s really funny how str8 ppl who follow me on twitter never acknowledge my tweets about lgbtq+ rights or complaining about queerphobia, but AS SOON as a str8 person they follow tweets something about ~gay rights~ they rt it and reply to it and i’m just convinced that all str8 ppl care about is patting each other on the back for ~supporting the gays~ and not actually giving a shit

Anonymous
asks:
Why don't you and Azarah talk any more?

i honestly still don’t really understand what happened or why she stopped wanting to be close. not that it’s really any of your business, anon. all i can say is that i hope someday she changes her mind, because i miss her friendship a lot.

fyi if you send me a message and it doesn’t get published either 1) i haven’t seen it bc i’m hardly ever on my computer and my phone doesn’t notify me of new messages, or 2) i want to keep it in my inbox to look at when i’m having a hard time

so thank you, really, anyone who has ever said anything supportive, comforting, nice, thoughtful…i still look back on things from three years ago and it helps so much when i start getting bad again.

can’t wait until tomorrow. it’ll be so nice to have someone to talk to that i didn’t have to beg to listen. and bree actually talks with me and makes me feel better and cares.

plus we’re going to watch glee because she’s never watched it and we’re going to eat donuts

so yeah lots of stupid shit going on in my life right now and so much i need to get off my chest but everyone who said they’d always be there for me is not here for me so idk what to do

starting to wonder if i should take my medicine again. this whole having emotions thing is really bad timing right now considering everyone is making me feel shitty and unwanted and alone. i’m crying all the time and getting really angry. my thoughts are starting to worry me. i don’t want to be here anymore and i think it might be better if it wasn’t. i’m sure if i just had someone i could actually talk to about everything that’s going on then things would be okay but i don’t so who knows what’s going to happen

so now my aunt decides to tell me this after i posted a status about mental illness not being taken seriously in america and that random people were telling me to just “get over” my depression instead of going to the doctor to get medicine which would then give me a pre-existing condition and prevent me from getting health insurance if obamacare was repealed.
you didn’t tell me this to help me in my recovery. you told me this to once again try and change my beliefs. i am disgusted.
you’re going to try telling me to go to church to get over my depression because it helped my mom? you’re going to try guilt tripping me into believing in god so i can ~see my mom~ again after i die? you’re going to try guilt tripping me into believing in god so you won’t have to tell my mom she’ll never see me again?
i seriously have no words. i have never been more disrespected in my life. fuck you.

so now my aunt decides to tell me this after i posted a status about mental illness not being taken seriously in america and that random people were telling me to just “get over” my depression instead of going to the doctor to get medicine which would then give me a pre-existing condition and prevent me from getting health insurance if obamacare was repealed.

you didn’t tell me this to help me in my recovery. you told me this to once again try and change my beliefs. i am disgusted.

you’re going to try telling me to go to church to get over my depression because it helped my mom? you’re going to try guilt tripping me into believing in god so i can ~see my mom~ again after i die? you’re going to try guilt tripping me into believing in god so you won’t have to tell my mom she’ll never see me again?

i seriously have no words. i have never been more disrespected in my life. fuck you.

i literally just got yelled at for being upset that jaime posted a facebook status saying he wants to join the marines.

what the fuck am i supposed to feel when my boyfriend i live with says (out of nowhere, without saying anything to me) that he wants to do something so majorly life altering not just for him, but the both of us. not to mention dangerous.

i realize that you go through these stupid phases and say this shit, but that doesn’t change the fact that every time my anxiety takes over and i freak out about every possible scenario.

how am i supposed to know you ~don’t mean it~ this time when you don’t talk to me and i have no idea what’s going on or what you’re thinking.

sorry for caring.