Posts tagged: personal
can’t wait until tomorrow. it’ll be so nice to have someone to talk to that i didn’t have to beg to listen. and bree actually talks with me and makes me feel better and cares.
plus we’re going to watch glee because she’s never watched it and we’re going to eat donuts
so yeah lots of stupid shit going on in my life right now and so much i need to get off my chest but everyone who said they’d always be there for me is not here for me so idk what to do
starting to wonder if i should take my medicine again. this whole having emotions thing is really bad timing right now considering everyone is making me feel shitty and unwanted and alone. i’m crying all the time and getting really angry. my thoughts are starting to worry me. i don’t want to be here anymore and i think it might be better if it wasn’t. i’m sure if i just had someone i could actually talk to about everything that’s going on then things would be okay but i don’t so who knows what’s going to happen
so now my aunt decides to tell me this after i posted a status about mental illness not being taken seriously in america and that random people were telling me to just “get over” my depression instead of going to the doctor to get medicine which would then give me a pre-existing condition and prevent me from getting health insurance if obamacare was repealed.
you didn’t tell me this to help me in my recovery. you told me this to once again try and change my beliefs. i am disgusted.
you’re going to try telling me to go to church to get over my depression because it helped my mom? you’re going to try guilt tripping me into believing in god so i can ~see my mom~ again after i die? you’re going to try guilt tripping me into believing in god so you won’t have to tell my mom she’ll never see me again?
i seriously have no words. i have never been more disrespected in my life. fuck you.
i literally just got yelled at for being upset that jaime posted a facebook status saying he wants to join the marines.
what the fuck am i supposed to feel when my boyfriend i live with says (out of nowhere, without saying anything to me) that he wants to do something so majorly life altering not just for him, but the both of us. not to mention dangerous.
i realize that you go through these stupid phases and say this shit, but that doesn’t change the fact that every time my anxiety takes over and i freak out about every possible scenario.
how am i supposed to know you ~don’t mean it~ this time when you don’t talk to me and i have no idea what’s going on or what you’re thinking.
sorry for caring.
you know, i thought maybe all my other friends from wichita who are working to lose weight and eat healthier would encourage me and my goals to be healthy not only with what i eat, but by being in shape.
but, of course not. the only encouragement i got was from my best friend (which i loved very much <3) and one of jaime’s friends commented on it and said “God, you are disgusting.” seriously?
why don’t people understand what the fuck their words do to people? i don’t care if you were joke, that fucking statement is going to eat me alive. clearly i already fucking think that about myself if i’m not comfortable with how my body looks and want to change it.
just because i’m not obese doesn’t mean i don’t have feelings. shit like this is what causes people to stop eating. if i hadn’t already worked through my eating disorder a couple years ago, this would most likely cause a relapse.
so thanks. thanks a fucking lot.
it really sucks that i lose so many potential “friendships” because i stand up for what i believe.
go ahead and talk shit and make fun of me for “being too serious” and “not knowing how to take a joke” i honestly don’t care. i’m not going to change the way i feel or act because of you. and if you can’t accept me or respect my feelings then i do not need you in my life.
if people are getting hurt by the things you say, then it is not a joke. sexism is not a joke. homophobic statements are not jokes or funny. rape is not a joke. self harm/suicide and eating/other mental disorders are not jokes. i can seriously go on and on. this is not “comedy,” you are discriminating. and you are NOT being funny.
seriously just take a step back and think about it. how would you honestly feel if people were using something about you to mean stupid, idiotic, or disgusting? it’s horribly rude and you seriously need to think about what your words are actually saying before you say them.
people don’t understand that when you’re a “small” person, every pound you gain, you notice. add body image issues and other shit from your past, it fucking eats you alive. when people don’t understand and call you crazy, it’s even worse. why is it okay for “overweight” people to want to lose weight, but not me? i’m not saying i’m fat. i’m saying i have fat i need/want to lose.